BURBANK, CA -- 1/08/2018 - 2:20 PM PST
What clumsiness has wrought asunder, mayhaps melted cheese could mend. That was the logic running through the mind of local unemployed 29-year-old Brad Highland when he discovered his frozen pizza had cracked.
"I just opened the plastic and there it was. My pizza was fractured," Highland reported. He also made allusions to his pizza as a reflection of the current American political divide. "I have some shredded Mexican blend in the fridge though, so maybe I can sprinkle some of that on after it cooks, and hopefully it will melt and hold the pieces together."
At press time, Highland was still hopeful that melted cheese could have a similar effect on Democrats and Republicans.
